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Vivien Roggero | Elite Transformation Coach | bereavemnt and grief

Grief and Loss

3 Key Main Differences Between Bereavement And Grief

Home Bereavement and Grief – Losing a loved one is never simple to accept or deal with. Even when death puts an end to suffering, the grief and sorrow might still be too much to bear. As the grieving process takes shape, these feelings of despair and melancholy may confuse. You can progress through this frequently complicated healing process by being aware of how grief functions, its stages, and the distinction between bereavement and grief. Bereavement and grief are not the same. Although they occasionally behave similarly or overlap, they are still two separate entities that require different approaches. The following article will help you learn their definitions and three critical differences between bereavement and grief, how bereavement is a state while grief is an emotion, the differences between their cycle and stages, and how grief is an emotional reaction during bereavement. Table of Contents What Is Bereavement? Bereavement is a time frame during which people experience grief and mourning. After losing a loved one, a person goes through a period of despair known as bereavement. Bereavement, grief, and mourning sometimes refer to the same thing. Despite having a lot in common, they all mean something different. It is simpler to start working through your grief if you comprehend how these elements fit together to define the grieving process. Examples of bereavement: Death-related loss may not always result in bereavement. Other significant losses in your life may cause you to experience bereavement at those other times. Any kind of loss can have a long-lasting impact on your emotional and psychological health. Examples of these include: Losing a spouse because of a divorce Your close friend is moving away and getting married Your pet running away Being dismissed from a job Your home catching fire You’ll probably feel the same grief as if you’d lost a loved one when you experience these other forms of loss. What Is Grief? Grief is defined as a normal response to loss. It is frequently experienced as an intense emotional reaction to loss that manifests as sadness or sorrow. Grief can strike you after any loss. Like bereavement, you will experience grief over more than just the loss of human life. When a loved one passes away or when he experiences other significant losses in their life, a person experiences grief. This normal reaction is known as anticipatory grief. The process involves a wide range of emotions, behaviors, and expressions, all of which aid in helping a person accept the death of a loved one. Grief can also be defined as the emotions that arise after loss, such as rage, jealousy, and indifference. An incomplete or delayed response to our loss results in complicated grief. To properly handle complicated grief, counseling from a minister, grief counselor, family doctor, or mental health professional may be necessary. Examples of grief: Different people deal with grief in different ways. Everyone is affected differently by it. Your pain level will differ from others’ depending on factors including your experiences, emotional and psychological health, cultural beliefs, and connection to the deceased or attachment to the loss. Even if they have experienced the same kind of losses, no two people will grieve similarly. For example; Death of a good friend Loss of a spouse Death of a classmate or coworker Serious illness of a loved one Relationship breakup Loss of a family member 3 Key Differences Between Bereavement And Grief Usually, people believe that bereavement and grief are the same things. It might be challenging to differentiate between someone suffering from bereavement and someone grieving when you don’t completely grasp what the phrases signify. Here are the 3 key differences between them. 1. Bereavement is a state while grief is an emotion One of the most significant differences between bereavement and grief is that bereavement is a state while grief is an emotion. The term “bereavement” refers to the state of the feeling of having lost a loved one. It most frequently refers to the period immediately following a loss, when emotions are the strongest. A person who has recently learned that a loved one has passed away will experience grief over the loss. They can lose control of their sobbing, strike out in a fury, or be in shock after learning the news. All of them are examples of emotional reactions to such loss. These responses are tied to grief. An individual may experience grief for several weeks or years. They might not be able to perform their job duties and request a brief period of bereavement leave. Their pain does not end after their bereavement leave ends, and they go back to work. It simply implies that they have used up all of the paid time off that their employer was required to provide. When the initial stage of pain and grieving is over, bereavement is over. The bereavement state will eventually come to an end as the person’s emotional state changes. 2. Cycles vs stages Because bereavement and grief are intertwined, it can be challenging to distinguish between bereavement and grief. The best approach is to recognize that bereavement occurs in cycles of time. A bereaved person will go through those stages as they deal with their loss, but they will also go through mood, emotion, and feeling changes as part of the bereavement cycle. A person experiencing grief will go through many emotional stages as they figure out how to deal with their loss. A person who is grieving is supposed to go through five specific stages of grief that is also known by The Kübler Ross’ 5 Stages of Grief. Denial and isolation Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance There is no set sequence that everyone follows, and not everyone goes through each stage. The stages of grief can all be said to lead to a healthy resolution of sadness, nevertheless. 3. Grief is an emotional reaction during bereavement Understanding the distinction between bereavement and grief can be a bit challenging at this point. When viewed from a

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach July 11, 2022

Grief and Loss

10 Books About Grief And Loss To Help You Cope With It

Books about Grief and Loss – Grief has no set course, and handling loss is not simple. Because of this, many books and autobiographies discuss the grief process and provide advice for people in need of consolation or support. Here are ten unique Books to check out if you or somebody you know is grieving a loss. They may provide some comfort, hope, or encouragement. We sincerely hope that a couple of these books might give you some consolation and courage, no matter what you’re dealing with. 10 BOOKS ABOUT GRIEF AND LOSS YOU MUST READ 1. IT’S OK THAT YOU’RE NOT OK: MEETING GRIEF AND LOSS IN A CULTURE THAT DOESN’T UNDERSTAND, BY MEGAN DEVINE It can be very perplexing to come up with ways to understand and help a loved one going through a painful loss. Megan Devine presents a new perspective on the grieving process and how we assist those who have experienced loss in “It’s OK That You’re Not OK.” In this helpful and concise book, she wants to reassure readers that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by grief and that they shouldn’t be fearful of it. Despite what society may sometimes suggest, grieving is a natural element of life. Devine leverages her training as a psychotherapist and personal experience as a person who has lost a partner to support people in positively connecting with their grief and learning how to move forward after loss. 2. A GRIEF OBSERVED, BY C.S. LEWIS Author C.S. Lewis penned A Grief Observed as a way of coping and maintaining himself after his wife, Joy Gresham, died of cancer. His honest portrayal of grief, so intense that it led a man of unwavering faith to doubt the universe, is found in “A Grief Observed” and served as the basis for the film Shadowlands. Lewis delves into his struggles dealing with this challenging time in his life and a new finding of a lost self in an extraordinarily genuine reflection on feeling and the agony that accompanies loss. This description of the grief of missing a partner is still strong after 60 years. 3. THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING, BY JOAN DIDION In 2003, one of the USA’s most famous authors, Joan Didion, had two tragic events: one, her daughter went into a coma; later, a few days after, her husband had a deadly cardiac arrest. The chapters of this book on grieving take place a year following Joan’s husband passed away unexpectedly, as she struggles to make sense of her “Magical Thinking” and what has indeed occurred. This best-selling book examines marriage and life, both in its excellent and terrible, and it will resonate with anybody who truly loves a spouse, partner or child. 4. I WASN’T READY TO SAY GOODBYE: SURVIVING, COPING AND HEALING AFTER THE SUDDEN DEATH OF A LOVED ONE, BY BROOK NOEL & PAMELA BLAIR, PHD. The book by Noel and Pamela Blair, PhD, offers a foundation for individuals trying to heal and continue their lives after losing a dear person suddenly. It explores unexpected grief and the disastrous impact it can cause. The writers of this book discuss unusual conditions of loss, like suicide and murder, and also different grieving processes, as well as misconceptions and myths regarding grief. These authors, who have dealt with abrupt grief personally, dispel widespread misconceptions about it and provide guidance on handling the challenging circumstances that follow a loss and recognizing and accepting your suffering. 5. ON GRIEF AND GRIEVING: FINDING THE MEANING OF GRIEF THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES OF LOSS, BY ELISABETH KUBLER ROSS AND DAVID KESSLER “On Death and Dying”, written by renowned psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, sparked a widespread debate over the five phases of grief. Before her passing in 2004, she co-wrote the book On Grief and Giving with David Kessler, which explores how the grieving process assists people in dealing with grief and incorporates the author’s personal stories, advice, and case studies. This book is based on the grieving process and the blessings that can be discovered rather than on death. It examines how the now-famous five stages of grieving manifest themselves in our daily lives. The writers provide readers experiencing these feelings with guidance and comfort while emphasizing everything with a word of kindness. 6. IN LOVE: A MEMOIR OF LOVE AND LOSS, BY AMY BLOOM Amy Bloom’s stunning and memorable memoir details the intimate time and difficult choices that followed her husband, Brian’s revelation of Alzheimer’s disease and his determination to seek the assistance of Dignitas. This group aids in peaceful and dignified death. As the family deals with the tragedy of Brian’s illness and impending death, the book paints an enthralling picture of passion, love, and loss. 7. THE OTHER SIDE OF SADNESS: WHAT THE NEW SCIENCE OF BEREAVEMENT TELLS US ABOUT LIFE AFTER LOSS, BY GEORGE BONANNO George Bonanno, a clinical psychology researcher at Columbia University, has written a book titled “The Other Side of Sadness” for those looking for a more scientific perspective on grief. The five phases of grief discussed are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We are frequently encouraged to tolerate and bear because this is how grief functions. The author makes the case that understanding how other feelings, such as joy and relief, can assist people in managing their grief by drawing on research on bereavement throughout history. They might even encourage people to develop closer relationships with people around them. 8. THE ORPHANED ADULT: UNDERSTANDING AND COPING WITH GRIEF AND CHANGE AFTER THE DEATH OF OUR PARENTS, BY ALEXANDER LEVY This is a powerful book for understanding and managing the grief and other feelings accompanying the passing of one or even both mom and dad. Although losing your father or mother as a grownup kid is expected, it can be incredibly distressing if it happens unexpectedly or after a protracted disease. In addition to showing how fragile our own life is, it might occasionally bring back childlike grief and a subtle shift in the

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach July 8, 2022

Vivien Roggero | Elite Transformation Coach | deal with parents divorce

Grief and Loss

How To Deal With Parents’ Divorce In Your 20s

Home How to Deal with Parents Divorce – Divorce is not easy at any stage but dealing with your parents divorcing as a teenager makes life more complicated. You realize that life will be different from now on, and you’ll have to confront a range of new emotions and deal with conflicts between your parents. Several studies, including the one carried out by Ross & Miller in 2009, found that parents divorce can negatively impacts their child’s life regardless their age. And in young adults, this might affect them when they are starting a serious relationship that leads to marriage. If you’re trying to figure out your own life at school, with friends, or in a relationship, while now coping with your parents divorcing, such a situation at your home may only add more stress to your life. But how can you make this transition smoother? Table of Contents 8 ways to deal with parents divorce Luckily, there are some ways to deal with your parents divorce and work through the emotions to move forward. In this article, we’ll explore the ways to deal with parents divorce in your 20s. If you’re dealing with your parents divorce, this guide will help you get through this difficult time and find the silver lining to deal with it. Let’s take a look at these eight important ways. 1. Please don’t blame yourself, it was never your fault When you have to deal with parents divorce, it can be normal to consider it your fault and blame yourself. But, it’s not right. Thinking this way is self-destructive. Blaming yourself won’t help you process at all and move forward. Parents get divorced due to issues between the two: you did not ask for their relationship to end. Therefore, keep in mind that the things you have done did not cause their separation and did not initiate their conflicts. 2. Your feelings are valid, don’t suppress them During your parents’ divorcing period, you might feel various emotions. You may feel angry, sad, or even relieved. The best way to deal with it is to allow yourself to feel your emotions because it’s totally fine to feel them. Don’t keep them bottled up inside. Validating your feelings and experiencing them is essential to your mental health. 3. Be open to your parents If you’re close to your parents and want to keep a healthy relationship with them after their separation, talk to your parents about the situation. Do have an honest & open conversation with them and let them know your feelings and how their divorce is affecting you. You should not be afraid or confused to tell your parents how you feel about splitting. They’ll find a way to make it easier for you. Also, it will help facilitate well-being and empathy for everyone. 4. Set boundaries, you’re not your parents’ messenger nor therapist Adult children of divorcing parents find themselves in the middle of conflicts, but this is not good. Set clear boundaries and don’t take any sides to make it clear that you don’t want to be a back-and-forth messenger. Moreover, your parents may want to tell you their feelings of anger and stories that can be complicated for you. So, you need to explain that you’re not their therapist, and they should unload their feelings to their friends. Setting clear boundaries will tend to be best for your mental health. 5. Reach out to your support system Another significant way to deal with your parents divorce in your 20s is to surround yourself with the people who will be there for you in this difficult transition. Reach out to your support system to protect your mental health. They can be your close friends, family members, or family therapist. Tell them how you’re feeling and what’s going on. Their support can be a healthy way to deal with your emotions during your parents’ divorce. 6. Prepare to adjust yourself to a new lifestyle Your parents divorce will bring changes to your life and family. Therefore, it’s important to accept that changes are coming & they’re permanent. The next step is to prepare for the changes. Start thinking and planning how to adjust yourself to a new lifestyle and how to handle future events flawlessly. 7. Find new ways to deal with stress You’ve never felt as much stress as you felt during your parents divorce. You need to figure out the ways to deal with stress for the sake of your mental & physical health. Find the activities and hobbies that bring you joy to deal with parents divorce. There are a lot of stress management hobbies and activities, including: Journaling Hiking Meditation Hanging out with friends who lift you up Doing puzzles Cooking Playing sports You can adopt any of these stress management techniques to deal with parents divorce in your 20s. 8. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor Lastly, if you are still trying to figure out how to deal with your parents divorce, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. There is no need to deal with your emotions by yourself. Reach out to a therapist & counselor to help you ease your stress & sadness. You can talk with them about your emotions and triggers. It is a huge help that will give you relief and help you makes sense of your parents divorce. Also Read: The Grief Recovery Method Wrapping up There you have it- end of the topic: how to deal with parents divorce in your 20s. It’s really hard to deal with the emotions during dealing with the emotional fallout of your parents’ divorcing. But, things are horrible in the beginning & get better with time, and you’ll see things in a different light. You will realize that divorce is healthier than staying in the worst relationship if your parents don’t love each other. Looking for an online therapist or counselor to help you deal with such a situation? Feel free to reach out to me

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach July 6, 2022

Vivien Roggero | Elite Transformation Coach | anger issues signs

Life

Relationship’s Red Flags: 7 Signs Of Anger Issues Your Partner May Have

Home Signs of Anger Issues – Every relationship experiences debates, fights, and ups & downs. You could even have exchanged words with each other in anger along the way that you wish you could take back. However, when things take a turn for the worse, you start looking for indications that your partner may have anger management problems. It might be time to look more if you believe that you, or a loved one, have anger management problems. Read the article to learn the types and causes of anger issues and the signs of anger issues your partner may have. Table of Contents What are anger issues? Anger is a typical human emotion that can be advantageous in certain circumstances, such as in response to threats of danger or injury to oneself or others. However, uncontrolled anger can become destructive and lead to problems in your life. Based on a study in 2010, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact your physical & emotional behavior. Not only can anger harm your internal relationships, but it can also harm your health. Therefore, it’s crucial to consider psychological and medical therapies when assisting people with anger management issues. Causes of anger issues Anger is caused by a variety of internal and external factors. Alcoholism or substance abuse, sadness, and mental health disorders such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and bipolar disorder are a few examples of internal issues. In comparison, external influences may include stressful or anxious conditions, business or personal concerns, or problems with family and relationships. Types of anger issues Different approaches and intensity levels can be used to express anger. Here are some common types of anger issues. 1. Internal anger This type of anger might include dark, depressing thoughts and critical self-talk. Punishing yourself is typically related to internal anger and involves depriving yourself of activities you enjoy, such as working out or watching television. Depriving yourself of necessities like food and water is one way to do it. 2. Outward anger To do this, you must vocally or physically confront the targets of your rage. Along with yelling and swearing, it can also involve damaging property and physically harming other individuals. 3. Passive anger Also known as passive-aggressive behavior, passive anger can manifest as insulting or sarcastic behavior toward others, silent treatment, snide remarks, and sulking. Signs of anger issues Even while having a little bit of rage is normal and good for you, having trouble controlling your anger can be dangerous. Observe signs of anger issues with your partner and, if necessary, seek assistance. Your partner may have experienced problems with anger management. The best way to protect yourself and find a solution to this issue is to recognize the signs of anger issues in your partner for what they are. How can you tell if your partner has anger issues? Your partner may have the following signs of the anger issues 1. They can’t express their emotions without getting angry-yelling and swearing As a type of mental health disorder, anger can worsen and involve abrupt outbursts of violence, impulsivity, or disruptive behavior. Outbursts are common when your partner struggles with their anger. Your partner may unintentionally smash things, yell, curse, abuse people or animals, get angry on the road frequently, or have temper tantrums if he has anger management issues. His relationships, career, and academic performance are all affected by this. Learning to control your anger or to calm down is therefore essential. If your partner exhibits these signs of anger issues, you can seek help from a mental health professional in your area. 2. Your partner keeps upbringing the past mistakes The past mistakes and failures keep resurfacing in your partner’s memory. If that happens, he’ll probably feel angry at himself. Ongoing resentment and perpetual irritation towards certain circumstances and other people can make him angrier. When their past haunts them, learn how to forgive them. To assist them in moving on, spend some time determining the underlying causes of their anger. 3. Small things may irritate them Being judgemental is a response to the shortcoming and injustice of another person. If your partner gets easily irritated, it might be challenging to maintain composure when speaking with someone who is causing him trouble. Find alternatives and express disagreement without being patronizing or demeaning to others. Find out how to manage your rage in a relationship by: Take a deep breath to calm your body Put your words aside and let the other person speak. Identifying any signs of anger in your body language Maintaining a safe distance 4. They give you silent treatment You should be aware that one of the signs of anger issues in man may be if you consistently get the cold shoulder or are shunned after conflicts or arguments. There are numerous ways that anger issues might appear. Screaming outbursts and verbal abuse aren’t the only possibilities. Emotional abandonment may also be an indication of a man’s anger issues. At the absolute least, there may be latent anger issues if he never has your back, doesn’t show you any support or care, and doesn’t make it a point to connect with you daily. As much as screaming and shouting, the silent treatment is a sign of anger issues. 5. They are quick to judge and make you feel unworthy We can all think of instances where we should never say something hurtful to our spouses. But a man who struggles with anger will go a little bit further. He will make you feel unworthy all the time. If your husband or boyfriend has anger management issues, he will always look for an opportunity to criticize you for boosting his self-esteem. An angry person will strive to alter every aspect of you. Every decision you make will be criticized, and they’ll never stop making you feel unworthy. 6. Your spouse is physically abusive to you Being a physically abusive partner is one of the most telling signs of anger issues. A physically abusive partner may

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach July 5, 2022

Vivien Roggero | Elite Transformation Coach | divorce process

Life

7 Factors Affecting How Long Your Divorce Will Take

Home How Long A Divorce Takes? – If you’re considering divorce, you generally want to finalize the process quickly. Nobody prefers the procedure to drag on, particularly if they’re seeking to leave an abusive or sad marriage or even one finishing peacefully. But how long does divorce actually take? The answer is reliant on several factors, including your area, if all the agreements are accepted by both spouses, and how quickly the court can process the petition. Table of Contents Factors that affect how long a divorce takes Contested vs. An uncontested divorce A “contested divorce” will take far longer than an “uncontested divorce,” where all significant matters are settled before a hearing. Usually, it only takes a few months. Nevertheless, the speed at which a court signs divorce documents varies. Cooling off periods Your state requirements of a waiting or “cooling off” time will determine if you’ll get a divorce quickly or not. You have to wait for a cooling-off period while filing for divorce. A waiting period allows you to think about making amends or adjusting to your new circumstances. Every state has a different cooling-off period; some do not even require a waiting period. Therefore, it is important to understand your state’s divorce laws. So, you can estimate how long a divorce takes in the place you live in. To learn about the waiting period in your state and whether you must have lived separately and separated for a predetermined period, consult a divorce attorney. The complexity of your divorce How long it takes to get a divorce will also depend on the complexity of your case. Your divorce may require longer than typical cases if there is a lot of wealth involved, there are complicated asset or custody difficulties, or if there are challenging custody concerns. Your divorce will go through more swiftly if you can convince your partner to cooperate on these points. Even challenging cases can be addressed amicably and quickly via a marriage settlement agreement. Spouses and their attorney’s cooperation Your divorce will take much longer if your spouse resists being served with divorce proceedings. When being done documents, spouses occasionally engage in tricks. Obtain a process controller if this occurs. Child custody and child support Child support and custody are the most difficult divorce-related problems, and they frequently lead to the most significant arguments between divorcing spouses. You will have overcome a significant obstacle if you can decide on a decent parenting schedule. Although child support and alimony are frequently fixed in many places, they can cause conflict between couples. If you can resolve these issues beforehand, you can significantly shorten the duration of your divorce. The expensive assets and businesses There are more minor concerns to be worked out for couples who haven’t been married for a very long time and have limited possessions. A divorce can proceed more quickly if there are more minor points of contention. It also makes it more likely that contentious matters can be settled through negotiation rather than an expensive and drawn-out court process. It will be far more challenging to decide who wins what if you’ve been married for a while and/or have many assets, such as: multiple properties ownership stakes in numerous enterprises substantial monetary shareholding in stocks retirement accounts, or savings. When one spouse tries to conceal assets from another, it may result in court proceedings that can require months or years to finish the divorce process. Residency requirements The time it takes to complete your divorce may increase due to residency considerations. Before you apply for divorce, you should satisfy the residency obligations imposed forth by your jurisdiction. You can learn more about these residency needs from a family lawyer. Also Read: Signs Of A Chronic Complainer Things you can do to speed things up There are various strategies for accelerating a divorce. The ideal course of action is to settle with your partner before filing for a divorce: Asset as well as debt division Resolving visitation and custody conflicts Child assistance and custody Spouse support Healthcare and life insurance Everything which needs to be fixed Ensure that you satisfy the residence criteria in your state. To avoid reworking your divorce papers, ensure they are accurate and thorough. If both you and your partner consent to it or if you can demonstrate reasonable justification for the exemption, you could be able to obtain an exemption in the areas where waiting periods are required. To find out what arrangements you may take to expedite and correctly complete your divorce, speak with a family attorney. The takeaway? As you saw that several factors will determine how long the divorce process takes for you. In various circumstances and states, your divorce may be completed in as short as two to three months. Get Advices From A Divorce Coach Starting Today With A FREE Discovery Call FREE DISCOVERY CALL

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach July 4, 2022

Life

How to Ask For A Divorce Peacefully: 9 Things To Consider

How To Ask For A Divorce Peacefully – You’ve spent years trying, yet regardless of what you say, you can’t get it to work. You want to divorce your spouse. Yet how can you ask for a divorce with your partner without offending them or starting a full-scale conflict? But there is no “best way to ask for a divorce”. When a person tells their spouse they want a divorce, they frequently wonder how to keep stuff amicable. There is no one “rule of a thumb” when you’re going to ask a divorce, although, with advance planning, you can ease a tough talk: 1. THINK AND BE COMPLETELY HONEST TO YOURSELF ABOUT WHETHER YOU REALLY WANT TO DIVORCE OR NOT Asking yourself what the primary objective of the divorce talk is will help you decide how to approach the issue of how to ask for a divorce. Why are you choosing to separate, and do you think you might change your mind about getting back together? Is there still a bit of you that doubts whether this will succeed and tries to jolt them out of their complacency by bringing up the possibility of ending things? If this is the case, you should think twice before using divorce as a bargaining chip. There are more effective methods to ask your partner to improve your marriage. Making this suggestion could result in a divorce, so be careful before bringing up the divorce conversation and ask your spouse for a divorce. 2. PREPARE YOURSELF MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY Determine who your spouse will be in the divorce conversation, and be ready for that when you start this discussion. If they fail to anticipate this, consider tender moments from your past together and how kindly you might bring it up to them. Prepare to use explicit comments to shut the opportunity if they want to save the marriage, but you don’t, and acknowledge that this is what they don’t want to let out on. If they are prone to become furious, try to create a calm setting, avoid engaging with them, be ready for any harmful things they may speak or even do, and avoid reinforcing their anger. 3. BE CONSIDERATE TO YOUR KIDS When children see their parents arguing, it can horrify them. Aggression, emotional distress, and even health problems are some of the negative impacts caused by parents fight in front of their children. They will have a leg up in handling what may initially seem like an unstable situation if they know you can cooperate jointly to dissolve your marriage amicably. So that they believe they will be cared for instead of battled over, remind them that you respect each other as parenting equals. 4. WRITE A SCRIPT JUST IN CASE YOU BECOME OVERLY EMOTIONAL Make an outline of talking issues for the discussion to serve as a road map for you. On a day when you’re at ease and peaceful, compose your checklist. This will allow you to maintain control of the argument without losing your composure. Use this to enable you to communicate the reasons why you ask for a divorce to your husband by writing down your thoughts in detail. Create a list of benefits of getting divorced for yourself. You might use phrases like “You won’t need to fight over insignificant stuff anymore” or “We can achieve our job objectives more easily.” 5. FIND THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE AND ASK FOR A DIVORCE Make careful to pick the perfect time to bring up divorce before doing so. It’s crucial to understand when to file for divorce. Consider when and where this talk should occur, and make arrangements to talk when your kids aren’t around. You may proceed without interruption and without including children in a grown-up conversation. There is never an ideal time to tell your spouse that you want to ask for a divorce, although some circumstances are preferable to others. You might want to postpone till they have the time to address any personal encounters, including a job loss or a relative’s passing if they have been causing them difficulty. Be sure to pick the appropriate time before starting the divorce discussion. Consequently, you risk getting a response that is more influenced by other events in their lives than your statement. Additionally, pick a location where you’ll have an unhurried, quiet talk. This might happen at home, at a therapist’s office, or in a peaceful café. 6. BE AS COMPASSIONATE AS YOU CAN BE, YET STILL FIRM AND RESPECTFUL How you disclose to your partner that you ask for a divorce can affect how the separation proceeds. Your spouse might not take your request well if you start discussing divorce when you are furious and upset as opposed to if you do so in a pleasant, calm, considerate, and polite manner. Remember that you have devoted a lot of time planning and thinking about your divorce. Most probably, your partner hasn’t. It will take a bit more time for the gravity of your choice to set in if your intention to petition for divorce is a complete surprise to them. 7. ALLOW YOUR PARTNER TO TALK AND BE HEARD Your partner will undoubtedly have a variety of viewpoints on this matter, so pay close attention to what they got to express. Avoid interjecting or attempting to justify yourself. Just let them speak. Be ready for a variety of responses. Either your partner has been caught off guard, or they may have been expecting it. Try to maintain your cool regardless of what occurs. Restate whatever they’ve said to show your partner that you’re paying attention. Reiterate your wish and ask for a divorce after they’ve done talking. 8. REFRAIN FROM BLAMING YOUR SPOUSE BY USING THE “I” INSTEAD OF “YOU” STATEMENTS Using “you” in a sentence might make it sound accusing. These remarks could enrage your spouse and add unnecessary tension to the divorce proceedings. Alternatively, express your

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach July 4, 2022

Vivien Roggero | Elite Transformation Coach | divorce a narcissist

Life

10 Tips On How To Divorce A Narcissist Spouse

Home How To Divorce A Narcissist – Divorce is challenging under any circumstances. But divorcing a narcissist is a nightmare. When your spouse is a narcissist, the divorce process gets more complicated as compared to what your marriage has been. However, narcissistic behavior varies from person to person, and each situation is unique, but special care is required to divorce a narcissist. A narcissistic person is egocentric and does not like to lose. Unfortunately, if you have married a narcissist and now can’t bear it any longer and are trying to figure out how to extricate yourself from this marriage, this article is for you. To divorce a narcissist is easier said than done. As a divorce coach, I have worked with many clients who were married to a narcissist and found themselves in a terrible position to divorce a narcissistic spouse. Also, I’ve come across different divorce lawyers and family law from which I learned the significant things that will help you in this difficult period of your life. In this article, you’ll learn the signs of narcissism and tips & advice for dealing with a narcissistic spouse during a divorce. Let’s get started! Table of Contents Defining narcissist A narcissist is someone who has an excessive interest in themselves. A narcissist person requires constant attention and admiration because they are likely to have a fragile ego. They want to be perfect in any way because they’re afraid of being seen as imperfect. Narcissism is a personality disorder, and a person with a narcissistic personality disorder has difficulty maintaining a relationship with others. Moreover, such people are mostly unhappy and disappointed when they are not given special favors. Signs your partner is a narcissist A person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has particular traits, and if you’re unsure of whether your partner is a narcissist or not, these traits will make it clear to you. A narcissistic spouse needs excessive attention and admiration and considers himself superior to others. In addition, they take advantage of others and have a lack of empathy for others. If your partner controls you, wants to gain power over you, never apologizes when making mistakes, and does not appreciate you, then your partner is a narcissist. Furthermore, people with this mental health condition exaggerate their achievements & popularity and exploit others to meet their own goals & needs. They often use manipulation and tactics to make people support their plan and do what they want. 10 tips when you’re about to divorce a narcissist spouse Divorcing a narcissist is an exhausting and emotional nightmare. So, if you are married to a narcissist and can’t bear it any longer, here are the 10 tips for dealing with a narcissistic partner during the divorce period. 1. Prepare yourself for an unpleasant and exhausting process Unfortunately, divorcing a narcissist will not be amicable, and it is a painful & stressful process. Therefore, you must prepare yourself for any unpleasant situation to make this process more bearable. You can expect your narcissistic spouse to fight you each step of the way and make you pay. So, you need to prepare mentally, financially, and physically and stay calm during this exhausting process. Accept the reality that you’re unlikely to reach any peaceful agreement. Keep your eye on the ending reward, which is not having to deal with them for the rest of your life. It’ll help you become less frustrated and emotionally drained because you already know what to expect. 2. Seek advice from a therapist or a divorce coach Narcissistic behavior can leave you confused and exhausted. Thus, it’s important to seek advice from a therapist or a divorce coach who can help you cope throughout the divorce proceedings. Investing in therapy can provide you with great tools and tactics when you are considering to divorce a narcissist. If you’ve never tried therapy before, it’s time to consider one. Hire a therapist, divorce coach, or experienced mental health professional who has experience working with narcissistic individuals. It will save your sanity and maintain your mental health during this challenging time. Also, make sure to visit a therapist regularly before, during, and after a divorce. 3. It may be expensive, but you have to hire a great lawyer When you consider to divorce a narcissist, you need a great divorce lawyer who can fight and take over communications with your spouse. Hiring a divorce lawyer can be expensive, but it is an investment in your future. Your spouse can underestimate you and make things worse. Therefore, it’s the most important thing to hire a divorce attorney to protect yourself. Hiring a great lawyer will ensure that you’ve someone by your side who will support you and explain your rights. So, choose a divorce lawyer who has great experience in such cases and who can go the distance with you because narcissists don’t compromise easily. 4. Protect your children, if you have them Another great tip during this process is to protect your children. Narcissistic spouses use children as pawns, and don’t hesitate to turn your children against you. They can try parental alienation during a divorce. Divorcing and conflict affect children badly and is extremely difficult for them. So, shield and protect your children and ensure they have excellent support from other people they can talk with. Keep kids out of disagreements and don’t turn them against your spouse but let them understand that their narcissistic behavior is unacceptable. If you want to get your child custody or consider parenting with a narcissist, it is good to seek advice from family law and divorce attorneys. 5. Build your emotional and financial support group before the divorce Divorcing a narcissist is tricky as they excel at becoming the center of attention and getting people to side with them. A narcissistic spouse will do their best to ruin your relationships with other people and show you a bad guy in any way. To deal with this difficulty, assemble your close support network by

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach June 30, 2022

Life

15 Signs Your Marriage Will End In A Divorce

Home Signs Your Marriage Will End In A Divorce When couples tie a knot, they promise to be together “till death do us apart.” They believe this will last forever, and moving apart is the last thing on their minds. Despite it, many married couples end up divorcing, and they don’t know what went wrong in their relationship, and their marriage becomes a temporary relationship instead of lifelong love. Marriage is riddled with ups and downs, and even the best couples hit rough patches. So, it takes a lot of effort and continuous work from both partners to maintain a long-term healthy relationship. The moment you start taking things for granted and problems are not addressed, cracks begin to take hold, and they lead to the erosion of marriage. Losing a healthy relationship with your loved one because you ignored warning signs of divorce is the most painful experience. Therefore, it is necessary to be aware of signs of marriages will end in a divorce to assess whether you can work through the issues to save your marriage or you should consider getting a divorce. In this article, I have discussed 15 signs your marriage will end up in divorce. Hopefully, these 15 signs from relationship experts might help you salvage a relationship or prepare for a final separation if necessary. So, if you’re wondering about your marriage or feeling restless and dissatisfied, it is recommended to pay attention to these warning signs from experts. Read on to learn about these most common indicators of divorce. Also Read: How To Cope With Losing A Loved One During Pandemic Table of Contents 15 signs of marriages will end in a divorce Here are the most common signs you should not ignore in your marriage that indicate your marriage is likely end in a divorce. 1. The lack of intimacy We all know physical intimacy plays a vital role in every relationship. The lack of emotional and physical intimacy is one of the surest signs your marriage will end in a divorce. Lack of interest in sex and touch deprivation can spell the end of a marriage. Physical intimacy is a way to express love and affection daily, not just at the beginning of the marriage. The lack of physical intimacy is the major sin a divorce is imminent, and it causes communication and commitment problems. 2. You’re starting to grow apart; the gap is widening Poor communication and over-scheduling work commitments are strong indicators that your marriage will end in a divorce. If you and your spouse are growing apart due to unhealthy communication and moving through life in mute mode, it increases the distance and is a clear sign of divorce. To cope with it, you need to talk with your partner about everything and spend time together. 3. There’s no respect in the relationship Mutual respect is one of the significant aspects of healthy relationships. Anyone makes mistakes and has different choices, you may or may not agree with your partner, but you need to respect each other’s values. If your spouse does not treat you respectfully, it is a warning sign that your marriage will end in a divorce. Moreover, you can fix it by discussing issues with your partner and listening to each other. Lack of respect means you’re in a toxic & unhappy marriage. 4. It’s either you’re arguing all the time or never at all You’re supposed to argue in a relationship. According to relationship experts, a good argument makes the relationship stronger. The problem arises when you are constantly in a fight with your spouse or when you are not bothered by anything and stay silent. Therefore, if you never argue or end up arguing constantly, it is one of the 15 signs your marriage will likely to end in a divorce. 5. You’re still in it only for the kids’ sake Kids help strengthen marital relationships. But if you and your partner continue to live together just for the kid’s sake, this marriage will not work out long-term. Such marriage is pointless and difficult for the children. Therefore, it is better to separate it than hold it only for the kids’ sake. 6. Feeling lonely, and yet you enjoy being apart from your spouse Lack of communication and growing apart create a wall between partners. If you and your partner feel alone but enjoy spending time apart from each other, then it is a sign of trouble in paradise. It means you tend to escape from the situation rather than deal with it. If you believe your life will be much better without a spouse and don’t want to go home from work, this is an obvious sign that your marriage will end in a divorce. 7. Financial infidelity Financial infidelity is one of the top reasons for an unhappy marriage. A study found that 36.7% divorces caused by financial problems. If you and your partner have trouble discussing big financial decisions and hiding financial facts from each other, consider it as a significant warning that your marriage may end in a divorce. It is referred to as dishonesty about money when your spouse hides facts about finances. Financial infidelity is another major sin that leads to serious trust issues in married couples. 8. One of you is continuously cheating Cheating is the top marriage breaker. Trust is essential in a healthy relationship. So, if your spouse constantly betrays you, it is terrible news for your marriage. 9. You keep fantasizing about ending your marriage If a mental divorce has already happened, how can a marriage work? If you keep fantasizing about ending your marriage and dreaming of a life without your spouse, it is a clear sign your marriage will end. Thus, if you feel better dreaming about ending your relationship, you should think about the quality of your relationship. 10. Your partner is a narcissist With a narcissist partner, marriage is not easy. If your partner dominates you constantly, tells you

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach June 29, 2022

Vivien Roggero | Elite Transformation Coach | mourning last

Life

How Long Does Mourning Last?

Home How Long Does Mourning Last? – It is common to hear that time will heal all the wounds even if you don’t feel this way. But mourning for loss is a necessary process to undergo. It is a process that helps you heal from the loss. Working through your loss and learning to live with grief can take a long time. Everyone’s feelings of grief are different; there is no specific amount of time for grief; it can take someone months or years to heal from the loss. If you’re suffering from the loss of the death of your loved one, you must be wondering about the question arising in your mind, how long does mourning last? In this article, I’ll discuss mourning in detail and how long does it usually last? Let’s begin! Table of Contents What is mourning? Mourning is a universal process that goes along with grief. It is a public display of grief and a natural response to the death of the loved one, losing a valued relationship with friends and family, losing a job, or any other significant change that alters life. Mourning or a grieving process comes with a variety of emotions like feeling depressed, sad, or lonely. The feelings of grief are different for everyone; the intensity and duration vary from person to person. However, it can become complicated grief if you don’t accept the loss and emotions. Let’s take a look at the most important section of this article- how long does mourning last. How long does mourning last? There is no set duration for mourning, and it is uncontrollable. Studies found that the mourning may last from 6 months to 4 years. Another study discovered that intense grief peaked at around 4-6 months, then it gradually declined over the next 2 years. One year is a normal accepted period, but your heart will still feel the pain of the death of a loved one after a year. The intensity of the grieving process varies from person to person and culture. Here are some factors that affect the intensity and length of mourning: Type of loss Your relationship with a person who has died The circumstances of their death Your life experiences According to Kubler-Ross, there are five popular stages of grief that will help you understand where you are in grief and how long it usually lasts. The stages are: Denial When you first hear the news of a loss, it is normal to deny the news. In the early stage of mourning, you feel numb or shocked. It can take hours to a few days to accept the news. Sometimes, it takes longer. So, the denial stage of grief is short-lived, and it’s actually a defense mechanism. Anger After the initial shock, as you accept the reality of loss, feeling frustrated or angry towards the person who has died is a typical reaction to grief. In this stage, you feel a strong variety of emotions and pain from your loss. Bargaining During the mourning and grieving process, you may feel helpless. In this stage, you have common thoughts of What if or If only. You want to bring your loved one back and think about what you could have done to prevent the loss. It postpones your sadness and confusion. Depression In the early stages of loss, you’ll be on an emotional roller coaster and have good and bad days. It’ll make you quiet, and you will isolate yourself from others to cope with loss. If you’re grieving the death of your loved one or the loss of a relationship with friends and family, you might be overwhelmed with pain and sorrow. If you experience continuous grief and feel stuck here, consider reaching out to professionals so that ordinary grief does not turn into complicated grief. Acceptance Although there is no timetable for how long mourning will last, as time passes, there comes a stage when you accept the loss. When you accept your loss, you find yourself healing from the pain. This does not mean you’ve moved past the loss of your loved one, but the intensity of grief may lessen, and you have worked through the process of mourning. Also, there will be a point where the good days are more than the bad days, and your feelings of grief will be a source of comfort and a reminder of your loved one or any experience. Things you can try that may help you slowly get back on track Mourning and complicated grief can leave you in deep emotional pain and lead to depression, anxiety, or emotional breakdown. Therefore, trying out the things that may help you heal the loss and get back on track is imperative. Here are some helpful things you should try to cope with the loss. Accept your emotions and allow yourself to feel how you’re feeling. Don’t isolate yourself. Connect with other people-your loved ones, friends, and family. Exercise regularly, get adequate sleep, and eat well to stay healthy. Write a journal to let your feelings out and listen to your favorite music. Try out the activities that bring joy. Also, continue to do things you used to do with your loved one. Set small goals and avoid making major decisions. Reach out to your support groups. It is recommended to seek help from friends and family, therapists, or support groups. Signs you’ve been mourning for way too long If you’re worried about the feelings of grief and can not understand whether you’re mourning for way too long or not and whether your grief has turned into complicated grief, take a look at these emotional and physical signs of unhealthy grief. Feeling anxious, hopeless, numb, fearful, guilty, or having panic attacks Have thoughts of hallucinations with what you lost. Dreams of a deceased person. Isolating yourself and socially withdrawing Weight loss or gain Loss of appetite and trouble sleeping Feeling tired, dizziness, nausea Chest pain, fast heartbeat, or heaviness in the

Vivien Roggero - Elite Transformation and Executive Coach June 24, 2022

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