Why Divorce Hurt So Much and How To Cope With It

Divorce hurts no matter what the circumstances are

Whatever the circumstances, divorce is not easy. The divorce process is very difficult and you may continue to experience mental distress for weeks, months, or even years following the divorce. Once a relationship has ended, the excess bitterness, hurt, bewilderment, despair, and even self-blame don’t just go away. 

Don’t be shocked if you’re still dealing with the agony of divorce and finding it difficult to move on in your life even though you were the one who fought for it. You’re certainly not alone, and it’s very normal.

Here is a summary of why it can be so difficult to move on and heal after divorce, while every divorce is different.

Why does it hurt so much?

1. You lost someone you used to love

Divorce entails abandoning someone you previously loved, even if you continue to love them after the divorce. It may induce a grief process that people go through when a beloved person passes away. 

There may be instances when you feel enraged at everybody and everything, punish yourself or your former partner for the demise of your contentment, and even try to isolate yourself from loved ones and friends to stop suffering any more harm. 

You can have pleasant memories of the union and perhaps regret getting divorced. Your life has been turned around, so it makes sense that moving forward may seem challenging or nearly impossible.

2. It gave you emotional scars

The deeply felt emotion is torturous when “I do” changes to “I don’t.” That humiliation is unlike any other; it gives you irremediable emotional scars because of the one you believed to be your lifelong companion, your support system during trying times, and the only soul you can rely on when the world around you turns away and tells you that you’re not good enough.

3. Your family has broken up

Holding the family together takes a lot of effort and mental energy during a relationship. When a couple’s marriage ends, they may think they have disappointed their children because they could not deliver them with a happy and stable environment. 

They struggle with the psychological repercussions of the family dissolution and, once more, they grieve the loss like they mourn a death. It’s crucial not to let the health of the kids suffer in order to ease this anguish. 

4. Divorce became your identity

After divorce, the most bothersome thing is being marked by the letter “D.” You might feel that people are mouthing behind your back about your divorce. This situation eventually becomes more difficult when you are asked about your marital status in a workplace or in any other social interaction.  

5. All the future plans you’ve made are crashing down

Every marriage involves living in both the now and the years to come. You were probably continually imagining where the two of you could be as a relationship in 5, 10, or perhaps even two decades.

You are compelled to understand how to create a new life without your spouse after getting divorced because it inevitably destroys whatever expectations and goals the both of you have made. 

This explains why moving ahead is so tough for people who have just separated. You could experience feeling trapped in the past, being unable to accept that this stage of your life is finished, constantly revisiting the mistakes you made, and being overcome with pain and sadness.

How can I cope with the pain?

1. Let yourself grieve and come to terms with it

It’s common to experience mixed emotions and a wide range of opposing feelings, such as rage, contempt, grief, relief, anxiety, and uncertainty. It’s critical to recognize and be aware of these emotions. Suppressing or ignoring these feelings would make the grieving process take longer and these feelings are frequently painful.

Also Read: Difference Between Panic Attack And Anxiety Attack

2. Practice self-love

After a split-up, one of the most important practices you need to establish is how to take proper care of yourself. You might decide to take greater care of yourself and make wise decisions moving forward as you process your grief and start to learn from your journey.

Also Read: 15 Tips How To Fall In Love With Yourself

3. Reach out to your family and friends

You might discover it helpful to talk to your loved ones about your sentiments during the hard times. Consider visiting a support network so you can interact with people going through similar things. 

Your stress levels will increase if you isolate yourself, and your focus will suffer. Your job, other connections and general health will also suffer. Never hesitate to ask for outside assistance if you need it.

4. Spend quality time with your kids

A child might experience tremendous sadness, confusion, rage, and uncertainty when their parents divorce. 

As a parent, you may provide your children assurance and respond to their needs pleasantly to help them cope with the split. After all, they are also affected by the divorce and not just yourself or your spouse.

5. Find new interests and experience many new things

A breakup or divorce marks both a new start and an end.  Use this chance to discover new hobbies and pastimes. You can appreciate life in the present by engaging in enjoyable and novel activities instead of obsessing over the past. 

Also Read: How To Find Your Passion In 8 Simple Steps

Move on and become the better You

When you’re suffering from a divorce, it might be challenging to realize that there are possibilities to develop and learn. 

Even though you might be experiencing nothing except loneliness and misery right now, things can and will improve. Try to think of this period of your life as a break, a chance to start the process of healthy growth. 

You may leave this experience with empowered and wiser thoughts and a better understanding of who you are.